YOUR COMMENTS

When the psycho only recieves a slap on the wrist in the form of a modified dvo order (protective order) a mother has no choice but to do what the GAL and the court tells her to. If you or your children have been threatened, followed and isolated by the abuser (as opposed to beaten with a 2x4)... Good luck! The calmer, controlling psycho will have enough access to the kids to make the victim's life a living nightmare. The courts need to wake up. We're wrecking the kids (not to mention the victim). We're truly not far away from state sanctioned mysoginy.
- Grandma, Concord,NH

Tina and MS,
I hear you, it’s not that simple. But there is a little point in your responses that is illustrative for young women and men. I asked for the victim's families feelings and you responded about the victim's feelings, reflexively pushing the family out of personal decisions. Lesson: Listen to your family regarding your major marital decisions, especially your parents. Their instincts are usually more finely honed and their rationale more objective. This is why the old tradition of men asking the father (maybe it should have been the parents), for her hand in marriage exists.
- Jim, Manchester

"violence against women, an issue that rarely makes front-page news..."

Giver me a break. Violence against women always makes front page news. What rarely makes the front page is the violence against men by their female partners.

Granted, a spate of violence has occured against women, it's made headlines etc... but society seems to insist sweeping domestic violence as perpetrated by women' girls under the rug as though it doesn't exist. It does exist and it happens all too often and no one seems to truly care.

Violence is violence and more men die at its hands than do women.
- Dave, Allenstown

Throughout the course of my life I have seen multiple women who were the victims of domestic abuse. In almost every case the warning signs prior to the abuse were there and quite clear. In almost every case the victims chose to either turn a blind eye to the warning signs or chose to rationalize them into meaning something else. e.g. "No, he isn't too jealous, it just shows how much he loves me." I know it’s crazy he won't let me go out and have fun with my friends; it's just that he really likes to spend his time with me." "He only shoved me one time, but that fight was my fault."

These sort of rationalizations tend to stem from one primary source, low self esteem. If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic abuse, and continues to stay in the relationship, you must address the self esteem issue first. Then help them in any way possible to leave the relationship as immediately as possible. Your small gesture of help could literally mean the difference between life and death.
- Craig, Manchester

Jim in Manchester, it just isn't that simple. And in fact, that kind of thinking blames the victim for not recognizing the danger.

Many domestic violence situations escalate slowly and over time and there are warning signs. But many start suddenly due to drug use or mental illness. By that point in time there is a deep emotional connection and possibly kids involved. It's not easy to walk away and it's not clear if it's a temporary issue.
- MS, Hooksett

Jim,

Unfortunately, I don't think the solution is that simple. It usually isn't obvious that a psycho is a psycho until you are already deep into the relationship -- at which point it may be very difficult for practical as well as psychological reasons, especially if you have children with the psycho. Sometimes there are red flags early in a relationship but it can be easy to rationalize them away and tell yourself that you are overreacting or that it is just an isolated incident, especially if the person seems attractive and normal in other respects.
- Tina, Bedford

Out of all of the editorials I've read here in recent months, this has been one of the better stated and put together editorials out of them all. The sad fact is, Manchester is not a safe city anymore, be it out in the open or behind closed doors. Nothing is sacred anymore. People will act like animals anywhere they see fit, as proven by these 3 recent murders of the mentioned women.
- Bill, Manchester

Violence is a legacy -- in every sense of that word. We as a human species have our work cut out for us in solving this problem, but our survival as a species may yet prevail.
- Katharine, Manchester

My sympathy and prayers go out to the families of the murdered young ladies.

Is there a simple solution for everthing? How about if we all agree to not date or marry psychos?

Families of these 3 victims, back me up on this, if I'm right. Did you have a bad feeling about these killers from early on? Did you try urge your daughter/sister/friend to get out of the relationship?
- Jim, Manchester